I Am What I Am

I'm done with court. My fingerprints will be erased in 6 months or so. That part of the struggle is behind me. What's still ahead is deciding if life in New York is what I want; where I want to be. I miss Buffalo but might consider North Carolina where a dear friend has set up house and where she says things are good. I am dating a man for three months now. So far, so good.

I had a bad reaction to a drug this past week and it scared me so badly that I was sure I was going to be trapped, like an acid trip, in its grip until it ran its course. It ran a course that limited itself to severe pain in my arms for close to 24 hours and a generalized feeling of dread which hung over my head. 

I am learning the importance of women in one's life. How they are never to be forgotten in favour of a man. I am learning much and I am learning these lessons over the supports of medicated hands. My sense of dealing with reality has changed.  I feel no hunger for emotional food just now. I feel content having things lay where they may. I don't fear my phone or the people that seemed too tedious to talk to before. I am heartened to see that slowly but surely I am collecting a group of friends that invite me and come to me when invited. It is all happening despite my surety that I could not do it again. 

Life can happen while one is busy feeling insecure.