The Boots

I had some boots. Black suede ones that I purchased about 25 years ago. I wore them with love.

Then I gave them to Maud. Maud was losing weight and needed new clothes and a new look. I have no recollection of her wearing them but when she died I got them back.

Once again I wore them with love and felt Maud's feet mould around my feet again. I had them for almost another ten years.

Then Zoe came, Maud's daughter, and she wore them while she was with me. Then I told her the history of the black suede boots. She wore them and perhaps she felt her mum's feet, along with mine, mould around her feet. Perhaps Maud's steps with her as she traipses around. 

All I know now is that the boots are in Massachusetts again being kept in the family of large footed women. I feel happy that those boots were made for walking.

I Am What I Am

I'm done with court. My fingerprints will be erased in 6 months or so. That part of the struggle is behind me. What's still ahead is deciding if life in New York is what I want; where I want to be. I miss Buffalo but might consider North Carolina where a dear friend has set up house and where she says things are good. I am dating a man for three months now. So far, so good.

I had a bad reaction to a drug this past week and it scared me so badly that I was sure I was going to be trapped, like an acid trip, in its grip until it ran its course. It ran a course that limited itself to severe pain in my arms for close to 24 hours and a generalized feeling of dread which hung over my head. 

I am learning the importance of women in one's life. How they are never to be forgotten in favour of a man. I am learning much and I am learning these lessons over the supports of medicated hands. My sense of dealing with reality has changed.  I feel no hunger for emotional food just now. I feel content having things lay where they may. I don't fear my phone or the people that seemed too tedious to talk to before. I am heartened to see that slowly but surely I am collecting a group of friends that invite me and come to me when invited. It is all happening despite my surety that I could not do it again. 

Life can happen while one is busy feeling insecure.